I’m going through something right now that I really don’t want to be talking about, so I try to distract myself with something positive all the time.
A week after my grandmother passed away, we were in the old house with the intention of going though all the old stuff and saving some books for my parents’ library. We also gathered 3 big bags of books to donate to the library in my hometown (my Mom already did it). When we were in the house we found a lot of old pictures and I thought I’d share one of them here. My Dad is 17-18 years old here.
Dad played in a rock band sometime around 1975-76. He was the drummer of the band, but he could also play guitar and piano (he still can) and sing. I won’t talk about his talents, because for several reasons, he abandoned his dream of being a musician and decided instead to take a more steady job and take care of his family. But I’d like to talk about the fearlessness and fierceness he possesses in this picture. I love the passion on his face, his whole posture, the way he seems so devoted and absorbed in the music, in the moment. Looking at this picture, I can almost hear the song he played with his friends and I can’t help but think… do I still have that? I used to play piano, I loved it, but I hated the long hours of еxhausting practice of the notes, the musical pieces, etc… Lately, though, I have been feeling the old urge to play – just to get my hands on the piano and see what comes out under my fingers. I took out my keyboard, who had been staying peacefully on top of our wardrobe for the last 5 years. And so… I played. And I loved it. (I also realized I’d forgotten everything I’d known and I’m pretty much starting from square one.)
I’m writing all this just to say that people should have dreams… and follow them, one way or another. So what if a dream comes true not exactly the way you have pictured it or it’s not the right time? It’s still your dream and it’s still coming true.
Lately I tend to spend a lot of time being afraid – afraid of the future, of “what if”, of things that have happened to me in the past and I don’t want them ever happening to me again. I’m really tired of being afraid. I’ve always wanted to be more free and abandon my need to plan and control… And lately, I realize that for the first time in my life, I can probably do that. Not plan, not conrol, just… let it be and see what happens. I think the piano helped:) I also think I’m just growing up more fast at this point. Or am I just learning to let it go? Whatever it is, I think I want to hold on to this feeling of freedom and peace for as long as I can – forever, if possible. I love it.