Днес

Днес….
Днес съм тъжна. Днес отидох да ти запаля свещичка. Засия много силно. Върху нея падаше светлина от прозореца на църквата. Леко приглушени, сияйни слънчеви лъчи.
Днес мисля за теб. Избягвам го по принцип, защото усещам физическа болка. Позволявам си да мисля за теб само около тази дата. Понякога си представям какво си чувствал в онези последни дни, как си плакал – не за себе си, а за всички останали, как във всяка сълза страданието е било за народа, а в гърдите – жегата от парливи, смесени чувства – дълг, отчаяние, жалост, гняв, тъга… Толкова надежди, толкова борба, толкова сила, толкова любов. И накрая – въжето.
Винаги ще плача за теб, винаги ще ти паля свещ, ще те помня. Ще съжалявам за ненавременно прекъснатия ти, смел, достоен живот. Защото друг като теб още не се е родил. Но ние го чакаме.
Чакаме теб.

Без революция сме загубени во веки веков.

Братство всекиго, без да гледаме на вяра и народност.

Не се полъгвайте, че тези които държат парите държат и бъдещето ви, защото тези пари те са ги взели от вас, а вие им се кланяте и ги въздигате.

(В. Левски)

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Fear, pain… and fun

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Do I look okay in this photo? I’m not 🙂 This was taken at the end of our snowboarding trip this weekend, just moments before we descended the slope for the last time, got into the car and went home. On this photo, it takes all my strength to smile. I’m bruised, beat and in so much pain, I have tears in my eyes. This was the time I decided to try descending on an actual ski track. I fell repeatedly on my face, back, tailbone, knees… and tailbone again. Ouch.

Тhe thing with snowboarding is, it sucks in the beginning. It takes a lot of determination and stubbornness to go on learning after you’ve been falling on your ass for hours, you hurt everywhere and you seem to be getting no better at it. It’s a good thing I’ve been stubborn all my life. I kept at it. Again and again. Fall down – get up. Over and over. And finally… you do it right. And the feeling is indescribable. It feels like flying while you’re still on the ground. And that’s it – you’re hooked. You’re in love.
There are two big fears to overcome when it comes to snowboarding. Both are so overwhelming, you sometimes freeze in place and you can’t make yourself go on. The first big fear is that you’re going to trip someone else and hurt them. For me, this was the bigger fear and that’s why, whenever I came close to someone, especially a kid, I fell down on purpose in order to stop more quickly. I got so nervous thinking I could unwillingly hurt someone, I hurt myself (even though I know how to stop when on the snowboard, but I just didn’t trust myself enough).
Second big fear is that you’re gonna fall down and hurt yourself. It’s hard to overcome, but I’m closer now. I fell down so much this past weekend that I think I’m pretty much over it now. (I’ll admit there was a moment when I hurt my tailbone and the pain was so great I cried a little while a little boy watched me with interest).

On the whole way back home I felt my tailbone like a bone that doesn’t belong in my body… I was in pain and verrry tired. But … I also felt satisfaction. I think I love the physical activity in itself, it takes me out of my head and makes me happier after. Also, the mountain was beautiful – sunshine, friends, wonderful snow…

Here are some photos I took when I wasn’t lying on my face on the track.

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View from the window of the car...

View from our car window…

Our wedding, revisited :)

Ето тук моята мила приятелка Мишел ми даде възможност да разкажа за нашата “различна” сватба 🙂

Докато отговарях на въпросите, се чувствах сякаш отново съм пренесена в този ден. Усетих еуфорията и любовта много ясно. Радвам се, че имах възможността да предам с думи всичко, което ни кара да казваме, че това беше най-хубавият ден в живота ни.

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